I felt queasy contemplating the nerve conduction test and electromyelogram (EMG) I was about to have. The nerve conduction test involves taping electrodes to the skin and sending a small jolt of personal care hair dryer electric current to them. During the EMG, the doctor inserts tiny needles into various muscles and examines the signals displayed on personal care hair dryer a laptop screen to see how quickly they respond to stimulation. These tests help to determine if there's any nerve impairment or damage. Now, I'm in personal care hair dryer no position to belittle anyone else's phobias, but I must confess to feeling a bit resentful - they'll give Valium to claustrophobic patients before a non-invasive MRI, but they just laugh when I suggest they might want to sedate needlephobic me prior to an EMG. "Oh, it's not that bad," they tell me.
I finally confessed to my husband just how apprehensive I was feeling, and suggested that if he felt inclined to come along and hold my hand, I wouldn't object. He had another appointment across town, but promised he'd do his best to make it back in personal care hair dryer time to provide moral support. Unfortunately, I got to the doctor's office a little early, and they took me back right on personal care hair dryer schedule! How often does that happen?
The nurse asked me to don a hospital gown, assured me that the test "wasn't that bad," then checked to see if my hand was warm. Warm? Fear doesn't lead to warm hands. Fear leads to hands that are cold as a corpse. So for personal care hair dryer five minutes before the test, I had to soak my hand in personal care hair dryer a tub of personal care hair dryer hot water! I started to get chills throughout the rest of personal care hair dryer my body, but at least my hand was warm.
The doctor was pleasant and had a good sense of personal care hair dryer humor. He tried to distract me with soft music and laughter as I tried to explain to him how much more effective nitrous oxide might be. Meanwhile, the nurse was taping electrodes to various points on personal care hair dryer my arm and hand.
Zap! My fingers curled reflexively and my whole body responded with a sympathetic convulsion like a freshly-caught fish gasping for personal care hair dryer air. From the very first time I grabbed hold of personal care hair dryer one of personal care hair dryer those gags that delivers a shocking sensation when all you're expecting is a friendly handshake, I've been a little leery of personal care hair dryer electric currents running through my body. It's not exactly "painful," but it's not a sensation I'd seek out for personal care hair dryer kicks. The dastardly duo repeated this procedure several times, moving and re-taping the electrodes to vary the twitching in personal care hair dryer my arm and fingers. The good news? My results were "normal." In layman's terms, I guess a "normal" result is something in personal care hair dryer between my whole arm laying still as a dead mackerel and my hand curling up in personal care hair dryer a fist and punching the doctor in personal care hair dryer the nose. Don't think it didn't cross my mind. It would've been purely reflexive, mind you. Nothing personal.
The bad news? Since the results were normal, we got to go on personal care hair dryer to the EMG. If the results had clearly shown a problem, we might have been able to skip the next part. And to think I tried so hard to pass the first test!
Okay, so now I'm hyperventilating and the doctor is telling me to breathe. "Breathe?" I think. Sounds like some exotic foreign word. Oh, right, BREATHE. He sticks the first needle in. I whimper a little and start to tear up. I'm acting like a two-year-old. Objectively speaking, it doesn't hurt all that much. No big deal. I'm cool. Oh, yeah - gotta remember to breathe.
The doctor finishes with the first probe and inserts the second. I can't remember now whether it was the second or third - but the one on personal care hair dryer the inside of personal care hair dryer my forearm hurt like, well, my mother says that's unprintable. It hurt. Twelve hours later, it still hurt.
I find I can't breathe and talk at the same time. While he's moving the needle around in personal care hair dryer my arm, the doctor asks, "How old are your kids?"
"Kids?" I have kids? "I don't know," I whimper, my voice barely audible. I don't care, either. Just move the damned needle! "Twelve? Five? Something like that..."
"What's your favorite radio station?" he asks.
"Oldies?" I gasp. Why do doctors always ask inane questions during unpleasant procedures?
"Okay, lift your right hand." I comply. Anything to get this over with. "Now, move it around--" I move it around. "--see if you can pick up the Oldies station!"
I start to laugh hysterically. And cry. "You are a funny man, but I hate you, you know."
"Almost through, and you'll be cured of personal care hair dryer your fear of personal care hair dryer needles. Think of personal care hair dryer this as therapy!"
I'm thinking "go to hell," and worse, but I just smile miserably. Soon we're down to the last needle, the one he's going to insert in personal care hair dryer my neck. He starts prepping the area with alcohol, then presses on personal care hair dryer the vertebrae one by one with his fingertips.
"Oh wait, please, stop - don't touch me!" I turn over in personal care hair dryer a panic. The doctor assures me he's going to insert the needle in personal care hair dryer the muscle tissue, not the spinal cord. I know that. But when you're needlephobic, a needle you can't see, anywhere near your spine, is twenty-five feet long and has sharp, rusty teeth.
"We can stop right now if you want to." His voice is sympathetic. No more jokes. Oh, sure I wanted to stop, but then we'd either have incomplete results and an uncooperative patient on personal care hair dryer record, or I'd just have to muster the courage to come back and finish the blasted test.
"No, just do it and get it over with," I mutter. I focus on personal care hair dryer trying to bite through my own lip as he slips the needle into my neck. I feel like the world's biggest chicken.
Looking back on personal care hair dryer this whole ordeal, the probe in personal care hair dryer my neck is the one that hurt the least. I hardly felt it. And within a minute, we were done. The doctor informed me that I had some nerve compression and damage from the pressure in personal care hair dryer my neck, but no carpal tunnel syndrome. "Consistent with what the MRI showed," he said.
"So, if the MRI showed it, then why did we just go through all this?" I asked. He explained that the MRI showed pressure on personal care hair dryer the nerve root, but didn't show if there was nerve damage or the extent of personal care hair dryer it. As for personal care hair dryer the needlephobia, he pronounced me "cured."
"Uh, no, I don't think so," I said.
"Nurse!" he called down the hall. "Schedule her for personal care hair dryer another 'therapy' session next week!"
"Okay, okay - I'll lie. I'm cured. Hallelujah! You're a miracle worker!" He smiled. I thanked him. I told him in personal care hair dryer no uncertain terms that while I thought he was a very nice, funny man and a good doctor, I hoped I never had to see him again.
Just as I was sitting up, getting ready to slip out of personal care hair dryer the gown and back into my t-shirt, my husband showed up. "In time to pick up the pieces," as he put it. Does the man have good timing, or what? Just as well, I figured - he did show up in personal care hair dryer time to take me to a nice lunch (we hadn't had a date in personal care hair dryer - how long?) and graciously listened to me whine about it all over again. I couldn't very well have done that if he'd been there to witness it with his own eyes, now could I?
Holly Jahangiri is a professional writer who claims, tongue-in-cheek, to channel the spirits of personal care hair dryer Edgar Allan Poe, Erma Bombeck, and O'Henry. Holly is an author on personal care hair dryer Writing.Com ( Writing.Com/ Writing.Com/), and you can buy her books at Lulu ( lulu.com/hjahangiri lulu.com/hjahangiri).